Category Archives: Toni’s reflections

Morgan’s Mini Lava Cakes…

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Morgan loved to bake…and as you can see she also loved to photograph everything 🙂

For the first 2 years after Morgan’s murder I could barely breathe. Sounds crazy, I know. I didn’t consciously know I was holding my breath, but I was. When you lose a child like this the pain is so great that it’s hard to breathe.

I was in what I now call “Survival Mode” where I was just going through my normal everyday paces, trying to smile for others, trying to act like I wasn’t falling apart inside…but I was. Confusion, shock, and anger became my daily state of being. I couldn’t sleep – thoughts kept running through my mind, I had so much guilt for not getting Morgan away soon enough, as I knew she was in danger. I was constantly wondering about what really happened to her. Wanting to know if she suffered, and why this happened to her…many times feeling like I was just having a nightmare, and if I could just wake up everything would be fine again and Morgan would be off at college studying for tests.

I wanted to talk to others about Morgan, about what had happened, I wanted to shout it out, I wanted to tell people, “No, I am not okay,” but instead all I could do, when they asked how I was holding up, was to say, “I am fine.”

Six months after Morgan’s murder, someone actually said, “I want my old Toni back,” I was shocked! My mind could not even imagine how those words could come out of someone’s mouth…what had happened to my youngest daughter had forever changed me. and I knew I would never be the same, I could not understand how others could not understand that the old Toni was gone forever, along with Morgan.

So, now over 7 years later, I can finally say that I have come to terms with the fact that this pain will never go away, I have just learned to live with it. I now use that pain and the knowledge that it has given me, to try and help others. Onward I go in the pursuit of justice for Morgan, raising awareness of the seriousness of stalkers, and reaching out to others in need of an ear. Just as Morgan’s story needed to be told, so many other stories as well, they need to be told so no victim will be forgotten…they all matter, they were all loved and they all had hopes and dreams that were violently taken from them, just like Morgan.

#JusticeforMorgan  #JusticeforAllVictims

A Comment Made To This Blog, This Morning On March 26, 2019

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The following comment was made today, in response to the link on this blog that goes to Morgan’s Medical Past http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?page_id=1694. I decided to share it with you, along with my response to this person, as I know you could not possibly read all the thousands of comments that are on this blog. I thought it was important for people to see what others think and speculate without knowing all the facts. So here you go:

Pip wrote in:

“Reading your comments about the wounds, torn nails, room in shambles, etc, . could it be possible for Morgan to have had a seizure? Taking an overdose of certain medications or street drugs can cause seizures to occur. Not everyone has a death where the person quietly goes to sleep. Even death from a heart attack can cause a person to leave a room in shambles and the person with bruises and cuts if death isn’t immediate. Even Amitryptiline can be fatal just by taking a few over the prescribed amount. Mix in Nortriptyline as well, and the amount could be enough to overdose on.”

“I notice that you blame her death on a stalker, but with the police knowing about it, wouldn’t they have checked for broken windows, doors, other entry points and dusted for fingerprints?”

“I think Morgan was depressed and decided to end her life, although I understand that you would rather think someone else is to blame instead of admitting that she was unhappy.”

I then wrote, in reply to Pip:

Thanks for writing in Pip. I will try to answer all your questions…which are very good ones by the way.

1. Her room was definitely in shambles – like a scene of a struggle, as well as what the police may find when someone “tosses” a place during a robbery. Jewelry that was seen that night before she came home was gone, her panic button had been ripped off her nightstand and tossed in a corner, her cell phone (that she always kept in bed next to her) was thrown across the room and found under her bathroom door, and it goes on and on, so do I think it was from a seizure…no.
2. She did have bruises, abrasions and wounds, 3 broken nails, AND her pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. She had “spots” that lit up under the UV light on her chest and arm, which were most likely semen, along with something else I would rather not discuss right here. This indicates a sexual assault – not a seizure.
3. She had an injection mark on the inside of her arm with a “bite” mark over it, the scientific facts and medical certainty that we have been given by forensic experts is that the Toxicology Report shows that the Amitriptyline was a one-time only massive amount…i.e. she hadn’t been taking it. It also shows she could not have ingested it herself or it would not have reached that level with the metabolite, Nortriptyline, being in such a small amount. So again the scientific facts do not support her her ingesting it herself – there were no needles, or anything at the crime scene.
4. Morgan was killed during an active investigation into her felony stalking, a stalking in which my husband and i are also listed as victims. If you read the police reports there is a “Suspect” listed, and a second “Suspect” redacted as that “Suspect” was under 18 at the time. Morgan was killed only 2 nights after the felony stalking detective told us that he believed her stalker was going to “escalate.” If you would like to read the exact day-to-day timeline that was kept during the stalking you can start right here: http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?p=389
5. Oh, and by the way, the sheriffs did not take any fingerprints or evidence at the crime scene – they did take video and pictures that will help in any future investigation, BUT as far as working it as a crime scene…nope, sadly they did not.
5. This post might help you understand as well http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?p=5638
6. As far as being unhappy goes…Morgan was stressed, upset, exhausted, bummed out, sad and many other things because of the incredibly horrific stalking events that were happening for the last 4 months of her life and that takes a major toll on victims BUT she was still going to school, hanging with friends, just found a new boyfriend and the last thing she wrote on her Facebook was that she loved life…so when looking at a crime using victimology you need to look at everything, not just speculate.

Again, thanks for writing in…the last thing I would like you to know is that my husband and I would rather have believed Morgan took her own life instead of being tortured, sexually assaulted and murdered in our own home, at least then it would have been her choice, but instead we have to live our lives knowing, after seeing all the evidence, that she died at the hands of someone else and it was a brutal death…as parents try to understand how we feel. I would not wish this one anyone.

#JusticeForMorgan

Another Big Lie Rolling Around On The Internet…

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Just the other day I received the following comment in connection to my blog post http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?p=9683

That blog post goes on to explain, “In the over 71 incidents of stalking, there are only 2 times, evidenced by his timesheet from work, that he was actually clocked in at work.  Only 2 times!  So if he wasn’t clocked in at work how was he on camera stocking shelves?  He wasn’t. Go ahead and read the timeline from the beginning – I have added screen shots of his work hours out of the police reports. But don’t just take my word for it – look for yourself, starting from the first day of the stalking from my timeline.” http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?p=389 

Obviously the person who commented never ever read the post – they just read the title and decided to comment the following, “So Keenan was proven to be in work at every time this person was seen standing outside of the house. CCTV cameras show HIGH QUALITY images of him stocking shelves etc at the actual time of Morgans death. The people who created these blogs and people who continue to accuse this man of murder are ruining the life of an innocent man. Morgan killed herself. She took too many pills. Why? I don’t know. But I do know that Keenan Vanginkel had absolutely nothing to do with the tragic death of this young girl.”

This person obviously never looked at the post about the night of Morgan’s murder…he did not clock in to work until 2:00 am – we have been told Morgan was dead by that time. You can see the exact time he checked in to work on his timesheet (all timesheet are included in the actual police report – which Keenan Vanginkel is called the “Suspect” in the stalking case) http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?p=2688

I guess this is what we all have to look forward to with the surge in social media – people can anonymously hide behind their computer screens and act like they know what they are talking about BUT they don’t…they just continue to spread lies. Very sad, but expected. In the past bullies and liars did it in person, now these cowards are even more emboldened because they can do it from the shadows of their own home 🙁

So to the person who calls themselves Lau, the lesson learned is this, “When you don’t know the whole story, shut up!”

#JusticeforMorgan!

Happy First Day of Spring…

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Picture above was taken by Morgan Jennifer Ingram in 2011

Today is the first day of Spring – it is the Spring Equinox (also called the March equinox or vernal equinox). This year the Spring Equinox falls on Wednesday, March 20. This event marks the astronomical first day of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere.

We now get to enjoy the increasing sunlight hours, along with earlier dawns and later sunsets. I’m sure most of you get a little excited about this change in the season…it sure seems like nature is reminding us that life goes on, no matter what. The first Spring I experienced without Morgan was like a slap in the face…it was hard for my heart to understand how life could continue on, without a hitch, when Morgan was no longer a part of this life. The pain was immeasurable. Now, after 7 + years, I understand a lot more – doesn’t mean the pain is any less, it just means I understand how and why life continues on, Spring brings forth new life, and the lives we have lost are not ever really gone.

Wishing you all a wonderful and bright Spring 🙂

 

Real Facts…Not Fake, Sensationalized Statements At The Expense of Accuracy

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Here are the facts: Morgan was NOT on antidepressants and NEVER was…

When misinformed people, as well as Sheriffs and Coroners, jump to the WRONG conclusion and refuse to do their own research, or conduct an investigation so they can listen to the victim’s doctors, you end up with an outcome which is totally WRONG.  Morgan was not depressed, Morgan had never been suicidal, Morgan was a victim of a stalker!

Here are the FACTS: Morgan never was on antidepressants, and she did not have a prescription for them.  Morgan was diagnosed with a condition called hyperalgesia, brought on by chronic long-term exposure to low-levels of carbon monoxide. https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/hyperalgesia  This condition caused Morgan chronic pain when she was younger, and a low-dose prescription of Amitriptyline (Elival) was prescribed for her originally by Children’s Hospital in Denver.  Morgan had stopped taking it approximately 2 years before her death, as she had developed an extremely healthy, holistic lifestyle to control and rid herself of her chronic pain.  Morgan was a strong and independent young woman and it is completely disingenuous, as well as being a LIE, when people say she was on an antidepressant – it is absolutely NOT true.

FACT: Amitriptyline is often used in lower doses when used to treat chronic pain, and higher doses are used to treat depression.  In low doses, this medicine relieves pain. In higher doses, it has antidepressant effects.  Years ago Morgan had been prescribed a low dose – first 10 mg then the final dosage was 25 mg once a day…a low dose of this medication is prescribed for the relief of chronic pain. This medicine is reserved for long-term (chronic) pain syndromes. It may also help relieve sleeping problems and fatigue caused by chronic pain.  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1519713

Morgan had an old EXPIRED bottle of Amitriptyline in her room at the time of her death.  The sheriffs gave that bottle to the Deputy Coroner, and from that time on the FACTS did not matter – the forensic pathologist ignored the fact that the bottle was expired and almost full, he ignored the fact that my husband and I told him she was not taking it, he ignored the fact that her doctors and all her medical records showed she was not taking it, he ignored the fact that the pharmacy records showed it had not been filled in almost 2 years, and he ignored the most important part of this…the scientific fact that the toxicology results prove she was NOT taking the drug, that this was a one-time massive dose that killed her. Dr. Robert Kurtzman, the forensic pathologist that conducted Morgan’s autopsy, called it INSIGNIFICANT!  This was an amount which could not be ingested, it had to be injected into her in order to have that amount in her blood.  The forensic FACT is, if Morgan had ingested the medication, she would have been dead before the levels could have reached 1,000 ng in her blood, but Morgan’s toxicology shows she had 7,900 ngs + it’s derivative in her blood – which means she had over 10,000 ng that went directly into her blood!!!  And the idiot Kurtzman said it was insignificant – actually writing on a piece of paper his calculation for PMR (postmortem redistribution) of the drug to make us think the amount really wasn’t that big a deal, but it certainly was the cause of Morgan’s death.  When confronted with the facts he also told us, “The parents are the last to know if their kids are taking a medication.”  Seriously, he said that…none of the FACTS above mattered to him, not even the scientific fact that he was completely wrong in his calculation, because PMR had not even started, due to the timing of when the blood was drawn.  Oh, and I guess Vallario must also have a problem with his vision because we have the crime scene photos, which CLEARLY show, what many believe is an injection mark, with a possible bite mark over it, on the inside of Morgan’s arm…what is Vallario’s excuse for that?

Morgan’s dad and I are NOT doctors, or scientists, we only know these facts because we have been blessed to have so many knowledgable experts review Morgan’s toxicology results and give us the facts.  These experts have given us documentation showing the facts in black and white, but Garfield County, along with some uniformed trolls on the Internet, prefer to spread their lies, contrary of scientific facts and medical certainty…I really wish people would do their own research, instead of blindly believing people that have no medical degree and have absolutely no knowledge of what they are talking about.  Only FACTS will hold up in a court of law when the time comes for #Justice4Morgan.

So the bottom line is…using wild speculation, instead of facts:

Dr. Robert Kurtzman listed Morgan’s Manner of Death as Natural Causes for the first 9 months after her murder, stating the Amitriptyline in her blood was INSIGNIFICANT, so NO INVESTIGATION into her murder was ever done by the sheriff.  Kurtzman wrote that Morgan was taking Amitriptyline for a condition she never had, Acute Intermittent Porphyria – ANOTHER LIE…Not only is Amitriptyline NOT a medication for AIP (which I found out by actually doing our own due diligence and contacting medical experts on AIP), Morgan’s doctors told him he was wrong, but his lies went on and on, creating an environment that insured Morgan’s murder would never be investigated.  Why?  Is he this incompetent, or arrogant, is that is the reason he wouldn’t listen to Morgan’s family, doctors or forensic medical experts?  Or is there something worse hidden behind his obvious mistakes?

Then after threats to myself by Dr. Robert Kurtzman, to stop asking questions about his findings, Kurtzman changed Morgan’s Manner of Death to Suicide – which in turn gave Sheriff Lou Vallario the opportunity to tell a reporter in September of 2011 that he supports the Coroner’s finding of Suicide and will never investigate our daughter’s death…yes, Vallario really said that, so again NO INVESTIGATION.  What does he really mean when he says his officers follow the evidence where it leads?  Don’t the crime scene photos count as leads?  His officers were at the scene of the crime.  The photos show 3 torn nails, with abrasions on the top and bottom of that hand…they show a wound on her temple with blood, and blood on her teeth, a fat lip, her hair all matted up, her pants unzipped and unbuttoned, they show her bottom bed sheet missing off her bed, they show an obvious injection mark, with a BITE mark over it on the inside of her arm, they show her lividity, which doesn’t match the position her body was found in…her body had been “staged” in a different position to look as though she had died in her sleep, blanket pulled up to her shoulder – her body was obviously moved some time after lying dead in a different position. And oh, wait a minute, almost forgot his own officer used a UV light over her body and wrote in his report that she had spot show up on her chest under the light – they were never tested, but you probably know what they were.  The crime scene photos also show Morgan leaving a message with her hands – she was signing two letters as though trying to tell us who murdered her.  So Vallario – how is it again that your officers follow the evidence where it leads?  Your officers would have to be blind, deaf and dumb to miss that trail of leads – or they would have had to go along to get along because they were just following orders…and whose orders would those be?  You wrote on your newly formed Facebook page,”Law enforcement officers are supposed to protect people,” but that isn’t what you do Lou – you cover for the criminal and blame it on the District Attorney.  Give your officers the tools, education and correct protocol that other sheriffs use in order to protect the citizens – actions speak volumes, not empty words.

Morgan was murdered during an ACTIVE INVESTIGATION INTO HER FELONY STALKING and there was NEVER an investigation…and that needs to change.  Those are the FACTS, and no one can re-write history.

There needs to be an investigation into our daughter, Morgan’s murder – do the right thing Sheriff Vallario!  You say, “Just the Facts,” well here are the FACTS, and you have known them all along – but facts don’t seem to matter to you in reality, do they Lou?

If you are a citizen of Garfield County Colorado please know that Sheriff Vallario was up for re-election last year, and ran unopposed…and again he is the Sheriff.  Let the newspapers know how you feel about the way he has treated the citizens of Garfield County during his terms as sheriff.  Let them know that you care about your family and want a sheriff that will protect and serve, and not just hide real crime under the rug.

Let Vallario know that you want transparency and accountability in the sheriff’s office, even if that means starting an independent task force to look into crimes that citizens believe are being overlooked.  Use your voice – it is your most powerful tool.