Remember the simple things in life – like brushing your child’s hair…

MorganwithMomI loved Morgan’s hair…actually I love everything about Morgan.  Her smile, her eyes, her voice, her cuddles, everything.  I miss everything about her – I miss Morgan.  Some mornings I wake up and just cry, I know it is the grieving process, but I still tell myself, “I want Morgan back, I want to wake up and see this was all just a bad dream.”  But that never happens, and it never will.  I know, just like all the other parents that have lost a child, that I will carry this pain with me until the day I die.  Don’t believe anyone that tells you it gets better over time – it doesn’t.  I think you just get better at managing it over the years.  But even if you get better at managing it – it still gets away from you at times when you least expect it, and the tears flow.

It always seemed like Morgan loved having me brush her hair and braid it.  Even when she was an adult, she would sometimes ask me if I could put a french braid in her hair before she went to bed.  I think she knew I enjoyed it and it became one of our bonding moments over the years that we did together.  Just like squeezing each others hands to say, “I love you,” without words, or doing a girl’s night together where we would both give ourselves facials and laugh at how funny we looked.  All those precious memories are all I have left of Morgan.  I am so grateful that I have them – nothing can take away the love of a child, not even death.

Parents never think they will loose a child.  We usually think we will pass before our children, and when a loved one is violently ripped from your life your whole world changes. I can no longer see Morgan’s bright light, but nevertheless I can “feel” it.  And I know others can too.  They tell me that the “felt” her right when they needed her.  She still comes to comfort them, and to let them know she is okay.