To The Moon & Back…

I always told Morgan, “I Love You To The Moon and Back,” and now, through my tears, I tell her, “I Miss You To The Moon and Back.”

I know she wouldn’t want me to cry like this, but I also know that she understands.  An invisible bond exists between a mother and her child – it forms as they grow inside, before they are even born into this world.  It is a bond that even death can not sever.

Ever since Morgan was a toddler, her and I had a little secret between us…whenever we were holding hands we would “squeeze” the others hand to say, “I love you.”  No one else would know, and we would always smile after the other one “squeezed.”  I feel so blessed when I remember that even during her last 4 months, even during the horrific, life-altering stalking, we still had moments when we “squeezed” each others hands…I just wish we could still do it.  Now there are times when I feel her close by, and I squeeze the air with my hand in the hope that she still feels it.

It is now Thursday, November 30th – and I am dreading this coming Saturday, as it will be 6 years since Morgan was taken from us.  Yes, taken from us at the hands of another.  One day, when those who were involved in taking her life, are held accountable, we will finally feel like justice was served, but there will never be closure – how could there be?  There can never be closure when such a violent, senseless act has stolen the life of your child.  Morgan will never get to finish her last 2 years of college, never be able to go to law school, never have a career, or a wedding, or children.  She will never get to go on vacations to Lithuania and Italy, as she planned.  She was teaching herself Lithuanian, and would call me “Motina.”  On her cell phone I was listed as Motina, that was how it showed up when I called, or sent her a text message.  It means mother, and love in Lithuanian…the sadness that I feel is so overwhelming today, it is hard to put into words, so now, I will stop trying.

 

My Feelings Today…November 29, 2017

I haven’t posted anything for a while…the holidays are hard for anyone who has lost a loved one, and our family is no exception.  My heart has been breaking more and more every day, as the days grow closer to this coming Saturday, December 2nd.  Saturday will be the horrible reminder that 6 years have passed since Morgan was taken from us.  It is a hurt that I can never explain – it goes down deep into my very soul.

Being together, and close on Thanksgiving, was nice, and as usual, very hard – all at the same time.  Putting on a happy face, while hurting so badly inside is never easy, but I do it, as do others.  See, you never “get over” the loss of a child.  We set an extra place at the table for Morgan, and then we realized someone else at the table had just lost her husband, about a year ago, as well as her 19-year-old daughter before that, so I told her the empty seat and place setting was for all of them…none are forgotten – as long as they are still in our hearts and minds.  She started to cry, and was so happy to have an opportunity to talk about the husband and daughter she had lost.

I really wish that others could understand our pain, but at the same time I would never want them to experience the same loss that we have had in order to understand.  No one could ever understand that pain, unless they had experienced that ultimate loss – the loss of their child.   I would never wish that upon any other parent!

So many people tell me that I am such a strong person, but in reality I wasn’t given a choice.  Losing Morgan was the worst thing that has ever happened to me…a part of me died with her on December 2, 2011.  And yet the sun still comes up every morning, and the world continues to turn.  So just like other parents who have had a child taken from them, I take a deep breath every morning, and try to put on a smile.  I tell myself I am grateful that I have been given the gift of another day, a gift Morgan had stolen from her, a new day in which I can choose to do something good for someone else, in honor of Morgan.

Saturday will be an exceptionally hard day for all of us, and then the fight for justice will continue…because Morgan deserves justice.

 

Be Informed…Not Just Opinionated

When I saw this quote, with the chess pieces, I just had to share it, Try being informed instead of just opinionated”….it really does feel much better when you know what you say is really taken from facts, and not just from listening to some over-blown person on the web, that has no real knowledge of the crime, and there are many of them.

And here I go talking about Morgan’s stalking and murder case again.  Why?  Because I am her mother, a mother who lost her precious youngest child to someone’s sick obsessions, jealousy, and sexual fantasies – it’s not right, it needs to be stopped – all of our daughter’s should be safe, and allowed to live their life to the fullest, not cut short by some pathetic criminal, who remains free, because no one wants to use the money or manpower to investigate.

When a person is stalked it can be lethal, as it was in our daughter Morgan’s case.  Don’t take my word for it – read and investigate what the “experts” say.  

Laura Richards, BSc, MSc, Asc. IA-IP, MBPsS, is someone who is trying to make a difference for victims of stalking.  http://www.laurarichards.co.uk/laura-richards-work/  Laura is the Founder and Director of Paladin, the world’s first National Stalking Advocacy Service.  She also the co-creator and host of Real Crime Profile podcast with Jim Clemente, retired FBI Profiler and Lisa Zambetti, Director of Casting for CBS’s ‘Criminal https://soundcloud.com/real-crime-profile

Laura is a renowned international expert on domestic violence, stalking, sexual violence and risk assessment.  Quote from Laura, “If stalking is not a priority in your local policing plan or counted – police will continue to fail to record it or be trained to understand it.”

I want #Justice4Morgan, and I will absolutely not stop working towards justice for her until justice is served.

Crime Watch Daily 4-Part Video about Morgan’s Case…

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To see the 4-part series that Crime Watch Daily did about our daughter, Morgan Ingram, please go to: Crime Watch Daily.com website