Morgan’s Mini Lava Cakes…

Morgan loved to bake…and as you can see she also loved to photograph everything 🙂

For the first 2 years after Morgan’s murder I could barely breathe. Sounds crazy, I know. I didn’t consciously know I was holding my breath, but I was. When you lose a child like this the pain is so great that it’s hard to breathe.

I was in what I now call “Survival Mode” where I was just going through my normal everyday paces, trying to smile for others, trying to act like I wasn’t falling apart inside…but I was. Confusion, shock, and anger became my daily state of being. I couldn’t sleep – thoughts kept running through my mind, I had so much guilt for not getting Morgan away soon enough, as I knew she was in danger. I was constantly wondering about what really happened to her. Wanting to know if she suffered, and why this happened to her…many times feeling like I was just having a nightmare, and if I could just wake up everything would be fine again and Morgan would be off at college studying for tests.

I wanted to talk to others about Morgan, about what had happened, I wanted to shout it out, I wanted to tell people, “No, I am not okay,” but instead all I could do, when they asked how I was holding up, was to say, “I am fine.”

Six months after Morgan’s murder, someone actually said, “I want my old Toni back,” I was shocked! My mind could not even imagine how those words could come out of someone’s mouth…what had happened to my youngest daughter had forever changed me. and I knew I would never be the same, I could not understand how others could not understand that the old Toni was gone forever, along with Morgan.

So, now over 7 years later, I can finally say that I have come to terms with the fact that this pain will never go away, I have just learned to live with it. I now use that pain and the knowledge that it has given me, to try and help others. Onward I go in the pursuit of justice for Morgan, raising awareness of the seriousness of stalkers, and reaching out to others in need of an ear. Just as Morgan’s story needed to be told, so many other stories as well, they need to be told so no victim will be forgotten…they all matter, they were all loved and they all had hopes and dreams that were violently taken from them, just like Morgan.

#JusticeforMorgan  #JusticeforAllVictims

A Comment Made To This Blog, This Morning On March 26, 2019

The following comment was made today, in response to the link on this blog that goes to Morgan’s Medical Past I decided to share it with you, along with my response to this person, as I know you could not possibly read all the thousands of comments that are on this blog. I thought it was important for people to see what others think and speculate without knowing all the facts. So here you go:

Pip wrote in:

“Reading your comments about the wounds, torn nails, room in shambles, etc, . could it be possible for Morgan to have had a seizure? Taking an overdose of certain medications or street drugs can cause seizures to occur. Not everyone has a death where the person quietly goes to sleep. Even death from a heart attack can cause a person to leave a room in shambles and the person with bruises and cuts if death isn’t immediate. Even Amitryptiline can be fatal just by taking a few over the prescribed amount. Mix in Nortriptyline as well, and the amount could be enough to overdose on.”

“I notice that you blame her death on a stalker, but with the police knowing about it, wouldn’t they have checked for broken windows, doors, other entry points and dusted for fingerprints?”

“I think Morgan was depressed and decided to end her life, although I understand that you would rather think someone else is to blame instead of admitting that she was unhappy.”

I then wrote, in reply to Pip:

Thanks for writing in Pip. I will try to answer all your questions…which are very good ones by the way.

1. Her room was definitely in shambles – like a scene of a struggle, as well as what the police may find when someone “tosses” a place during a robbery. Jewelry that was seen that night before she came home was gone, her panic button had been ripped off her nightstand and tossed in a corner, her cell phone (that she always kept in bed next to her) was thrown across the room and found under her bathroom door, and it goes on and on, so do I think it was from a seizure…no.
2. She did have bruises, abrasions and wounds, 3 broken nails, AND her pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. She had “spots” that lit up under the UV light on her chest and arm, which were most likely semen, along with something else I would rather not discuss right here. This indicates a sexual assault – not a seizure.
3. She had an injection mark on the inside of her arm with a “bite” mark over it, the scientific facts and medical certainty that we have been given by forensic experts is that the Toxicology Report shows that the Amitriptyline was a one-time only massive amount…i.e. she hadn’t been taking it. It also shows she could not have ingested it herself or it would not have reached that level with the metabolite, Nortriptyline, being in such a small amount. So again the scientific facts do not support her her ingesting it herself – there were no needles, or anything at the crime scene.
4. Morgan was killed during an active investigation into her felony stalking, a stalking in which my husband and i are also listed as victims. If you read the police reports there is a “Suspect” listed, and a second “Suspect” redacted as that “Suspect” was under 18 at the time. Morgan was killed only 2 nights after the felony stalking detective told us that he believed her stalker was going to “escalate.” If you would like to read the exact day-to-day timeline that was kept during the stalking you can start right here:
5. Oh, and by the way, the sheriffs did not take any fingerprints or evidence at the crime scene – they did take video and pictures that will help in any future investigation, BUT as far as working it as a crime scene…nope, sadly they did not.
5. This post might help you understand as well
6. As far as being unhappy goes…Morgan was stressed, upset, exhausted, bummed out, sad and many other things because of the incredibly horrific stalking events that were happening for the last 4 months of her life and that takes a major toll on victims BUT she was still going to school, hanging with friends, just found a new boyfriend and the last thing she wrote on her Facebook was that she loved life…so when looking at a crime using victimology you need to look at everything, not just speculate.

Again, thanks for writing in…the last thing I would like you to know is that my husband and I would rather have believed Morgan took her own life instead of being tortured, sexually assaulted and murdered in our own home, at least then it would have been her choice, but instead we have to live our lives knowing, after seeing all the evidence, that she died at the hands of someone else and it was a brutal death…as parents try to understand how we feel. I would not wish this one anyone.


Another Big Lie Rolling Around On The Internet…


Just the other day I received the following comment in connection to my blog post

That blog post goes on to explain, “In the over 71 incidents of stalking, there are only 2 times, evidenced by his timesheet from work, that he was actually clocked in at work.  Only 2 times!  So if he wasn’t clocked in at work how was he on camera stocking shelves?  He wasn’t. Go ahead and read the timeline from the beginning – I have added screen shots of his work hours out of the police reports. But don’t just take my word for it – look for yourself, starting from the first day of the stalking from my timeline.” 

Obviously the person who commented never ever read the post – they just read the title and decided to comment the following, “So Keenan was proven to be in work at every time this person was seen standing outside of the house. CCTV cameras show HIGH QUALITY images of him stocking shelves etc at the actual time of Morgans death. The people who created these blogs and people who continue to accuse this man of murder are ruining the life of an innocent man. Morgan killed herself. She took too many pills. Why? I don’t know. But I do know that Keenan Vanginkel had absolutely nothing to do with the tragic death of this young girl.”

This person obviously never looked at the post about the night of Morgan’s murder…he did not clock in to work until 2:00 am – we have been told Morgan was dead by that time. You can see the exact time he checked in to work on his timesheet (all timesheet are included in the actual police report – which Keenan Vanginkel is called the “Suspect” in the stalking case)

I guess this is what we all have to look forward to with the surge in social media – people can anonymously hide behind their computer screens and act like they know what they are talking about BUT they don’t…they just continue to spread lies. Very sad, but expected. In the past bullies and liars did it in person, now these cowards are even more emboldened because they can do it from the shadows of their own home 🙁

So to the person who calls themselves Lau, the lesson learned is this, “When you don’t know the whole story, shut up!”