Please read the story below – I really shouldn’t say it is a story because what it truly is is another human being’s current reality due their stalker. It is horrifying, it has affected her children, it has completely changed her life, and it is so very wrong. The judicial system needs to understand how serious stalking is. Changes need to be made – criminals should not have more rights then their victims!
This is an email I received this morning:
My case with a stalker is going to jury trial very soon. Due to this, I’m doing my research on Victim Blaming as I’m sure the defense will use this heinous tactic, and that is how I found your site. My story began 6 months ago while breaking it off with a short-lived relationship. Although, due to an alcohol problem with this man, I did get a simple domestic violence restraining order, which of course I thought would be all I would need. That day would prove to hold so very much more. I now carry 3 criminal protective orders, he has been incarcerated for 2 months on a no bail warrant. All I wanted was peace, but his insistence that God told him not to stop pursuing me, several texts and voice mails, him showing up at my house refusing to leave, and my visions of waking up with him standing over me, the “If I can’t have you….” attitude, and finally after several times of calling law enforcement and 2 arrests of violation, the word “stalker” came into play. He found my new phone #, found me on social media, and followed family members. One message reads: “If I can’t find you, I’ll have 20 people looking for you”. As of today (10.13.2015), a new judge said he would grant another bail hearing next Tuesday. Of course when you’ve gone into hiding twice, and you are looking for yet another safe place, this decision fills you with fear. The word “Stalker” is used lightly, as it was with me before this time. But my world has now become a reality of always looking over my shoulder, protecting my loved ones and myself from whatever the “next step”, the “next move” could be. In all of our minds no one wants to believe these things truly happen, and of course we would rather blame the victim with “if only they had done something different”. I know I will face that kind of mentality soon as part of the defense, and I dread the day I re-live it all in a twisted story by a defense attorney. It is my hope my story will one day inspire others to do what they must to protect their family, and never minimize what a person is capable of. Stalking is a very real crime and like Morgan, your first prison is when it all starts. My business was shut down, my life has had to start over, and the paralyzing effects of fear are more than one can bear. Leaving your home alone, being alone, and even falling asleep become burdens you try to avoid. My heart goes out to all victims of any crime, and if any have had to experience victim blaming, I’m positive it made a negative emotional impact in an already devastating circumstance. Thank you for allowing me to e-mail this to you, it was only today in what was supposed to be a Felony Settlement Conference (another one) that the decision to revisit bail was put on calendar. The plethora of charges against continue to mount with not only the felonies, but 8 misdemeanor charges as well. Please keep me in prayer, and tell others to always be very careful. If there is one red flag, there are many, many more. Be safe as you possibly can always. This is my new reality.
Then she wrote:
Truly one of the hardest things to deal with is the “unknown” Never knowing the next move, the next step. You can try to block it but it sits in wait in your head. I am not looking forward to taking the stand. I’m doing my homework on Victim Blaming which is a natural response in most people’s minds. People want to believe others would not instill fear, and there had to be a reason, thus blame the victim. In my case he believed in his head, we were going to be together no matter what. It got to a point my 14 yr old son slept with a kitchen knife next to him, my daughter moved in with me. Two months ago I moved and have basically been in hiding even with him incarcerated. Of course he proclaims innocence but doesn’t realize imprisoning someone emotionally, constant emotional manipulation, is wrong. No one knows if he will attack, take hostage, to get what he wants or not. That is the worst part. And now the judicial system may consider bail after two months of no bail. I want what is fair and just for all of course. It seems as though me having to give up my life, rebuild, start over and continue to wonder when and if he will be out again, does not come into play. This story needs to be told for anyone who remotely believes it can never happen.
Please post my story, and please feel free to use this as well. Maybe with more awareness people will realize “stalking” is not only physical, you become emotional prey for the predator. They stalk your mind in order to get their way, and you must do all you can do to protect yourself because, despite what others believe, you do not know what the next step will be, and it must be stopped before it is taken. Be strong as possible. Be wise. Never minimize. And do your homework, research, be prepared if it comes to a courtroom.
I hope after reading this you will have a more intimate understanding about the emotional devastation that stalking creates. Her story should be shared as often as you can in order to help raise awareness about the seriousness of stalking. Thanking you ahead of time for sharing!