Typologies of Stalkers – predicting who will be stalked…

The first thing I want to say is you can not predict who is going to be stalked, or why they are being stalked.  I have heard from so many victims and survivors of stalking that have said people have suggested to them that maybe “they” did something wrong that made them a target.  WRONG!  It is never the victims fault.  It wasn’t what they were wearing, it wasn’t how friendly they were, it wasn’t anything that THEY need to change, it is the person that exhibits the stalking behavior – not the victim!

There are so many different types of stalkers and stalking situations.

Facts from Purcell et al 2001; Meloy & Boyd 2003.  There are 5 different typology classifications that are usually stated:

1. The rejected stalker

2. The resentful stalker

3. The intimacy seeker

4. The incompetent suitor

5. The predatory stalker

Personality disorders are predominate in the rejected stalker, erotomania can be the drive behind the resentful stalker, the intimacy seeker stalker is said to have paranoid disorders, the incompetent suitor often is an intellectually limited or a socially disabled individual, and the predatory stalker is believed to be a sexual deviant.

Female stalkers usually have higher rates of psychosis than men.

Stalking is a serious crime.  Risks associated with stalking:

1. Violence

2. Persistence

3. Recurrence

4. Psychosocial Damage

Adults between 18 and 29 years old are the primary targets of stalking, comprising 52% of all victims.  (Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women website) 

Stalking is the most under reported crime in our nation.  Why?  Some victims and survivors have told me they don’t think they will be believed, some say they are embarrassed, others say they thought if they just ignored it then it would all go away…make no mistake your stalker won’t just go away.  Morgan thought if she ignored her stalker he would just go away – that never happened.  For stalkers it is most often a compulsion and they don’t stop.

Here are some statistics:

  • 83% of stalking incidents were NOT reported to police or campus law enforcement (Ibid).
  • 93.4% of victims confided in someone, most often a friend that they were being stalked (Ibid).
  • 26.7% of victims considered their victimization a personal matter, and did not report it to police.
  • Additionally, only “7% of victims contacted victim services, a shelter, or a helpline”(Baum, Catalano,& Rand, 2009).

I believe so much more awareness about the true facts about stalking is needed.  It is an extremely serious and life-changing crime.  I understand why people that have never been stalked don’t completely understand – in the beginning of Morgan’s stalking she didn’t understand why she was targeted, and we had no idea about how lethal stalking could be.

During Morgan’s stalking some people said, “Well maybe it’s just kids playing ding-dong-ditch, or just a joke.”  It wasn’t a joke, it was a constant frightening pattern of stalking.  She was regularly frightened, startled, surveilled, and followed.  Her life was taken from her.  It was not a kids game, it was a lethal game of cat and mouse and Morgan lost her life.

Our once bright and safe house became a dark fortress.  Our peaceful evenings were no longer peaceful – they had become terrifying, stressful, and exhausting.  The more precautions we took the more her stalker seemed to enjoy his game.  This is why the Colorado State Legislature urges early intervention before stalking escalates into something more serious.

We were told in the beginning not to share information about Morgan’s stalking with neighbors because the sheriffs believed her stalker was living in our neighborhood.  We know now that was not good advise – we should have shared the information immediately and often so others would become aware.  Also having neighbors who were watching out and reporting anything they saw would have been extremely helpful.  Rest assured as the sheriffs were called to our house on a regular basis the neighbors could see something was going on, so who were we kidding?  Community involvement is very important. Victims should tell everyone, family, friends, neighbors, classmates, teachers, employers, co-workers…everyone.

Here is a very powerful youtube that will give you a little more understanding about the danger of stalkers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8Pc6GEUfZ0

 

 

 

Wow! 11,172 views to this blog in one day – yesterday…

11118634_xXlupere_c I guess a lot of people really care about Morgan’s case and want to see her get justice.

There have been over 5 million views on this blog since I started it the summer of 2012.  The largest amount of people that ever viewed this blog in one day totaled 227,488 and that really blew me away.  It was by far the largest number we have ever seen in one day, and since then the numbers have stayed pretty consistent on average between 1,000 – 3,00 per day.

I am so excited that more and more people are reading her story, and awareness of how brutally harsh the reality of stalking is grows.  About how stalking turns your life upside down.  If one thing could come from the absolute horror that Morgan’s stalking and murder were I would want it to be awareness.  Awareness so that others do not suffer the same fate.  Morgan did nothing to deserve what happened to her, nor do the other victims of stalking, they all deserve the rights we all hold so dear.  I am determined to raise awareness about the seriousness of stalking so change is eventually made and victims can get the help they need, not only to just survive, but to get their lives back too.  Stalking victims have so many of their rights stripped away from them, and we all have to do a better job to help.

But yesterday as the number of views on the blog spiked up to 11,172 – there was something else that was going on at the same time.  While so many people were reading Morgan’s story, I was doing my best to help another victim of stalking.  There are decisions that need to be made by the victim and they are very tough decisions, each and every one of them holds the possibility of profoundly affecting their life.

For instance there is the subject of protection orders.  The idea is simple, once you know who your stalker is then go before a judge and request that your stalker can’t be anywhere you are.  If granted by the judge then the victim now has a little safety, as long as the stalker obeys the law and respects the order.  Only the stalker is already breaking the law repeatedly by stalking and what if they don’t respect the court order to stay away?  Worse yet what if the order to stay away only angers the stalker and the victim is in more danger than they were before?

This is what I mean by very tough decisions, every one of them.  In Morgan’s case we were asked to delay getting a protection order so the sheriffs could have a better chance of catching him.  Morgan wanted the protection order, but we decided to trust what we were being told so we did wait, only the wait became another wait, and then no protection order ever.  Now of course I feel like that was such a mistake. I know that protection orders can come with dangers of their own, but never getting one didn’t help Morgan either.  Tough decisions.  How much easier it would be if you were not being stalked at all, no stalker, no victim, no need to stress over a protection order.  In a perfect world wouldn’t that be nice?

Stalking victims truly lose so much of their simple everyday life.  Think of your cell phone, leaving anything like, “find my phone,” turned on in case you misplace your phone is out of the question, too dangerous because it could very easily be tracked by your stalker.  Social media, forget about it, no selfie pictures, no gushing about the restaurant, or your fabulous vacation, or even your flat tire.  Anything that gives away your location or patterns can be used against you by your stalker.

Please always remember – anyone at anytime can become a victim.  It is never the fault of the victim.  Although women are more likely to be stalked than men, anyone can be a victim of stalking, including college students, victims can be from any economic, ethnic, or religious group.  The National Center for Victims of Crime says that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 men will be victims of stalking in their lifetime.  Stalking is the most under reported crime in our nation at this time and it is serious… so change has to be made.

I just have to share this closing thought from the Legislature of Colorado in their decree on stalking.

The general assembly hereby recognizes the seriousness posed by stalking and adopts the provisions of this part 6 with the goal of encouraging and authorizing effective intervention before stalking can escalate into behavior that has even more serious consequences. 

Thank you all for supporting Morgan as well as sharing her story with others in order to raise awareness.  Morgan was taken from us by her stalker, but I want her story to be a reminder to everyone that stalking can be deadly, so always please take it seriously, especially if you should ever become a victim, and if you are not a victim, then reach out to  anyone whom you discover is a victim.  There might be some little thing you could do that would bring a measure of comfort to their lives.

Thank You…

 

Help Spread the Word…We want an investigation!

youshouldknow

https://www.change.org/p/colorado-state-governor-john-hickenlooper-we-want-morgan-ingram-s-felony-stalking-investigation-opened-with-the-attorney-general-s-office

This petition along with all of your signatures and heartfelt comments have all been sent & received by Colorado Governor Hickenlooper. We now hope that he contacts the Attorney General’s office in support of an investigation into Morgan’s stalking & suspicious death.

Thank you all so very much!!!

Please spread the word and let everyone know the Governor has received this petition. Sending 5 friends the link to the petition would be helpful as well.  We are unable to travel at this time to Colorado in order to have a rally so I would kindly ask you all to call Governor Hickenlooper’s office to show your continued support in our effort to have Morgan Ingram’s case opened with the Attorney General’s office – Governor Hickenlooper’s office number is 303-866-2471.

Another way you could help us would be to engage the media and ask them to run Morgan’s story with this petition as well as her reward poster as seen on http://morganingram.com/wordpress/?p=5122.

Every time I see the following quote I understand that we can never give up, because if we do there will be even more victims that will be gone without a case…and in what world should that ever be acceptable?  It never will be okay.

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are” Benjamin Franklin

Again, thank you all so much – we couldn’t have done it without all your support.

From all of us at the Ingram Family

VICTORY – The Petition to Colorado State Governor John Hickenlooper Has Been Received

I want to shout out a big THANK YOU to everyone that signed the petition to Colorado Governor Hickenlooper.  The petition has been delivered and we are now awaiting an answer.  I promise to keep you all updated on any replies I receive from the Governor.

It was so wonderful to read through all the comments that were posted with the petition.  You were all so passionate and strong that it filled my heart with love as I read through them.

In the past three years since Morgan’s stalking and murder I have come to realize that this is not only a total injustice to her and our family, but to everyone.  With over 1,600 cold cases in Colorado alone, and at this moment in time Morgan’s case isn’t even considered a cold case because of the incorrect manner of death that is listed on her death certificate, it’s not hard to understand that murderers are still out there, still free to walk among us.  Every time I see the following quote I understand that we can never give up, because if we do there will be even more victims that will be gone without a case…and in what world should that ever be acceptable?

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are” Benjamin Franklin

https://www.change.org/p/colorado-state-governor-john-hickenlooper-we-want-morgan-ingram-s-felony-stalking-investigation-opened-with-the-attorney-general-s-office

Valentine post card…I miss you

valentinesimissyou

 

Morgan I miss you so much and I just remembered the Valentine gift I gave you that has never been found – it was on your keychain with your house key.  A little frog prince charm with sparkling crystals on it from Red Envelope…who took it?  Another mystery item never found after you were gone.  I’m sure someone knows what happened to your keychain.