Tomorrow is a day I dread…

Tomorrow, on December 2, 2017, it will have been 6 years since our daughter Morgan was murdered.  I can’t even begin to explain what that feels like.  Nothing in your life could ever prepare you for the day you find your child murdered.  Morgan was young, healthy, and in love with life – but her life was cut short by an unspeakable acts of human cruelty.

She was stalked for four months – we were all stalking victims, even our pets, her cat, her puppy, and our dog. They all knew something was wrong, terribly wrong. We were all living through a horrific stalking, never knowing when the next fright, or shock would come. Or when you would be thrust out into the night to search vainly for the tormentor.  But the rest of us were not murdered in this final act of demented fantasy – only Morgan suffered that fate.  She was attacked and murdered – of that there is no question.

To lose our daughter to murder after fighting to keep her safe during those four months of stalking, became like being buried under an added layer of cruelty that was beyond comprehension.  It seemed to grow over time, as acute feelings of injustice, distrust and helplessness brought its own intense pain and sorrow, all of which compounded our initial shock.  And yes, there were times it took all the strength I could muster just to breathe…it hurt so much.

Tomorrow our family will light candles again for Morgan, and cry.  We will hold each other close and wonder WHY…why is she not here with us?  Why was her life taken from us? Why wasn’t it us instead of her?  I’m sure these are all the same questions other families ask as well. All of us are forever changed because of the senseless act of evil we call murder.  And no amount of justice, restitution, prayer or compassion will ever bring our loved ones back.

So tomorrow, while our family morns the loss of Morgan, please keep Morgan, and our family in your thoughts.  Please remember her for who she was – not a victim of stalking or murder, but a beautiful, kind, and loving soul who graced this planet for only 20 short years.

Thank you so much for all your love and support – it means more than words could ever express.

 

To The Moon & Back…

I always told Morgan, “I Love You To The Moon and Back,” and now, through my tears, I tell her, “I Miss You To The Moon and Back.”

I know she wouldn’t want me to cry like this, but I also know that she understands.  An invisible bond exists between a mother and her child – it forms as they grow inside, before they are even born into this world.  It is a bond that even death can not sever.

Ever since Morgan was a toddler, her and I had a little secret between us…whenever we were holding hands we would “squeeze” the others hand to say, “I love you.”  No one else would know, and we would always smile after the other one “squeezed.”  I feel so blessed when I remember that even during her last 4 months, even during the horrific, life-altering stalking, we still had moments when we “squeezed” each others hands…I just wish we could still do it.  Now there are times when I feel her close by, and I squeeze the air with my hand in the hope that she still feels it.

It is now Thursday, November 30th – and I am dreading this coming Saturday, as it will be 6 years since Morgan was taken from us.  Yes, taken from us at the hands of another.  One day, when those who were involved in taking her life, are held accountable, we will finally feel like justice was served, but there will never be closure – how could there be?  There can never be closure when such a violent, senseless act has stolen the life of your child.  Morgan will never get to finish her last 2 years of college, never be able to go to law school, never have a career, or a wedding, or children.  She will never get to go on vacations to Lithuania and Italy, as she planned.  She was teaching herself Lithuanian, and would call me “Motina.”  On her cell phone I was listed as Motina, that was how it showed up when I called, or sent her a text message.  It means mother, and love in Lithuanian…the sadness that I feel is so overwhelming today, it is hard to put into words, so now, I will stop trying.

 

My Feelings Today…November 29, 2017

I haven’t posted anything for a while…the holidays are hard for anyone who has lost a loved one, and our family is no exception.  My heart has been breaking more and more every day, as the days grow closer to this coming Saturday, December 2nd.  Saturday will be the horrible reminder that 6 years have passed since Morgan was taken from us.  It is a hurt that I can never explain – it goes down deep into my very soul.

Being together, and close on Thanksgiving, was nice, and as usual, very hard – all at the same time.  Putting on a happy face, while hurting so badly inside is never easy, but I do it, as do others.  See, you never “get over” the loss of a child.  We set an extra place at the table for Morgan, and then we realized someone else at the table had just lost her husband, about a year ago, as well as her 19-year-old daughter before that, so I told her the empty seat and place setting was for all of them…none are forgotten – as long as they are still in our hearts and minds.  She started to cry, and was so happy to have an opportunity to talk about the husband and daughter she had lost.

I really wish that others could understand our pain, but at the same time I would never want them to experience the same loss that we have had in order to understand.  No one could ever understand that pain, unless they had experienced that ultimate loss – the loss of their child.   I would never wish that upon any other parent!

So many people tell me that I am such a strong person, but in reality I wasn’t given a choice.  Losing Morgan was the worst thing that has ever happened to me…a part of me died with her on December 2, 2011.  And yet the sun still comes up every morning, and the world continues to turn.  So just like other parents who have had a child taken from them, I take a deep breath every morning, and try to put on a smile.  I tell myself I am grateful that I have been given the gift of another day, a gift Morgan had stolen from her, a new day in which I can choose to do something good for someone else, in honor of Morgan.

Saturday will be an exceptionally hard day for all of us, and then the fight for justice will continue…because Morgan deserves justice.

 

Crime Watch Daily 4-Part Video about Morgan’s Case…

Gallery

To see the 4-part series that Crime Watch Daily did about our daughter, Morgan Ingram, please go to: Crime Watch Daily.com website

HAPPY HALLOWEEN…

Morgan on her last Halloween in 2011 – she always had hearts everywhere…:)

The picture above is the screensaver on my phone.  It is a picture of Morgan on Halloween many, many years ago.  When I looked down at my phone and saw the time, 1:11 on October 19th I knew I had to take a screen shot of it…Morgan sending me angel numbers.